PINOCCHIO
Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters
when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if he
could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper on his manhood and Pinocchio
skipped away enlightened. A couple of weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing
happily through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"
Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"
CINDERELLA
Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her.
As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promises
to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but, on two conditions.
"First, you must wear a diaphragm."
Cinderella agrees, "What's the second condition?"
"You must be home by 2a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin."
Cinderella agrees to be home by 2 a.m. The appointed hour comes and goes,
and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5 a.m., Cinderella shows up looking
love-struck and very satisfied.
"Where have you been?" demands the fairy godmother, "Your diaphragm was supposed
to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!"
"I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything." Cinderella said.
"I know of no prince with that kind of power! Tell me his name!" said the Fairy Godmother.
Cinderella replied, "I can't remember exactly...Peter, Peter, something or other..."
MICKEY MOUSE
Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were in a divorce court and the judge said to Mickey,
"You say here that your wife is crazy."
Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she's ****ing Goofy."
DONALD DUCK
Donald went into the local Pharmacy to purchase some condoms.
He took them up to the cashier who asked, " Would you like me
to put them on your bill"?
Donald became irate and screamed, "What do you think I am, a pervert?"
RED RIDING HOOD
Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods when suddenly,
the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree, and holding a sword
to her throat, said, "Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!"
To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket
and pulled out a .44 magnum and pointed it at him and said,
"No you're not! You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book.
Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters
when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if he
could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper on his manhood and Pinocchio
skipped away enlightened. A couple of weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing
happily through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"
Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"
CINDERELLA
Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her.
As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promises
to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but, on two conditions.
"First, you must wear a diaphragm."
Cinderella agrees, "What's the second condition?"
"You must be home by 2a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin."
Cinderella agrees to be home by 2 a.m. The appointed hour comes and goes,
and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5 a.m., Cinderella shows up looking
love-struck and very satisfied.
"Where have you been?" demands the fairy godmother, "Your diaphragm was supposed
to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!"
"I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything." Cinderella said.
"I know of no prince with that kind of power! Tell me his name!" said the Fairy Godmother.
Cinderella replied, "I can't remember exactly...Peter, Peter, something or other..."
MICKEY MOUSE
Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were in a divorce court and the judge said to Mickey,
"You say here that your wife is crazy."
Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she's ****ing Goofy."
DONALD DUCK
Donald went into the local Pharmacy to purchase some condoms.
He took them up to the cashier who asked, " Would you like me
to put them on your bill"?
Donald became irate and screamed, "What do you think I am, a pervert?"
RED RIDING HOOD
Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods when suddenly,
the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree, and holding a sword
to her throat, said, "Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!"
To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket
and pulled out a .44 magnum and pointed it at him and said,
"No you're not! You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book.