I am beginning to wonder if the problem is actually ECU related, based on the stuff you have done so far.
I had a problem similar but not identical to yours on my 87 Volvo. Rough idle, sometimes it ran fine, other times it would just die on the highway. It turned out to be the ignition "Pulse Module". This goes by various names, but essentially it is a heavy duty transistor that takes a 5 volt pulse signal from the ECU and allows a large 12 volt current to flow from the battery to the coil, creating the spark energy in the coil.
On my Volvo this was external to the ECU, and easy to change for about $25. I tried to find this for your car, but it appears it may be internal to the ECU.
This site might help you with troubleshooting, this is specific to Motronic 1.0, not sure what you have? He talks about troubleshooting ICV, MAF, etc.
Also,
this site talks about issues with the E30 M3 ECU and specifically the pulse transistors. It's electronic techie in nature, but it might help you.
Pelican Parts has some
general DME info that might help This is primarily E36, but good general info. They claim a bad power relay supplying power TO the DME can cause problems.
Can't say any of this will solve the problem, but it's another place to start eliminating possibilities....